I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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