sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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