Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
