I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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