yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
