is your mom at the bar?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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