i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
