remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there's paper in my vomit.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
