Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
