I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
