..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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