I bet he comes in French.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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