Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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