Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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