if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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