whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
