She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
