So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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