Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
