So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
