I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
