Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
