I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
