please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
