she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
