Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
