Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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