I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
