well I can't set my house on fire every night
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
