So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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