no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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