ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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