Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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