I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
