gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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