She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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