no, he came in my armpit
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
