Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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