It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
