Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
