my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
