So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
