so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
