Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
