can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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