grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
