i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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