You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
