I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
