Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
