I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
