bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I puked a lego.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
