Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
