My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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