Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
