What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
not ubering you a puppy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
