I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Acid is not a monday night drug
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
