My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
