for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
