Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
birth control should be required to get into college
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
