I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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