Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
