Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
