didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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