So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
