I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
