I just saw a hot homeless man
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
