Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
