You're so nebulous sometimes
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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