Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
