I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
