Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
