i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
