i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's the barista slut.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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