it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
