i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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