The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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