That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
